I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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