my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
