Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
