normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
