I need help removing her.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
