I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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