He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Randomize
