I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
