Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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