Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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