and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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