in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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