ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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