hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
