i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
