There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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