I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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