Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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