I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
