i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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