i think my tv is drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
