.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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