Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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