Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
