Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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