I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
