You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
