WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
