i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
