My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
