There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
