3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
