this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
