apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
