on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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