I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
