Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
