fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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