The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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