I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
