you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
