alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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