when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
