another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
