Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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