I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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