I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
