um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
