i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
