Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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